An off-duty “agent” (his words, not anyone else’s) has gone viral after being pulled over for suspected DUI with his kids in the backseat… and immediately attempting what social media is calling “the world’s worst get-out-of-trouble speedrun.”
Dashcam footage shows the car swerving like it was trying to avoid imaginary potholes before finally stopping in the world’s most chaotic diagonal parking attempt. When the officer approached, the man didn’t even wait for the classic “license and registration” line.
Instead, he dramatically pointed at himself with both thumbs and announced:
“It’s cool, I’m an agent. Off duty. But still very agent.”
The officer paused — likely to process the sheer amount of nonsense he had just heard — before replying,
“Sir, your badge looks like it came from a Halloween aisle.”
It got better.
When asked why he’d been driving like a blender set to purée, the man attempted what he must’ve thought was galaxy-brain logic:
“I wasn’t drunk… I was just avoiding negative energy.”
Meanwhile, his kids in the backseat were apparently giving a live commentary:
“Dad’s not an agent. He does taxes.”
“He spilled his juice earlier and said it was classified.”
“Can we go home now?”
The internet is already obsessed.
TikTok comments include:
- “Agent of chaos, maybe.”
- “Mission: Impossible — Parenting Protocol.”
- “Bro tried to UNO reverse a DUI charge.”
- “When your secret identity is only secret because it’s fake.”
According to the officer’s report (which is funnier than it has any right to be), the man kept trying to wink like they were co-workers in on a spy mission together.
At one point he whispered:
“You know how it is, brother. Professional courtesy?”
To which the cop responded:
“Sir… your kids said you work at an office park.”
In the end, the kids were safely taken home, the situation was handled by people with an actual license and an actual job, and the man learned a valuable lesson:
Pretending to be James Bond does not stop the consequences from being very, very real.
The internet, however, thanks him for the content.
